Get Yo' Condom On

So. HUGE turn-off: boys who whine about condoms. "Oh, it just don't feel right, baby." "Oh, I can't get off with a condom on." "Seriously, I'm clean, you're clean, 's'all good!"

I am surprisingly liberal about sex. But, seriously? You want to start whining about fucking putting a condom on? FUCK YOU. Even if you've never slept with me and do it to other girls and boys. FUCK YOU.

I don't know if you slept through the awkward videos about boys having strange new sensations in their pants, and girls having boobs pop out of their chests, but somewhere around that time, way back in highschool (or whenever you got sex-ed) you should have heard something about protecting yourself about STDs. (Although I think my class spent more time discussing why STD [Sexually Transmitted Diseases] was not politically correct, and therefore the term was supposed to be the sanitized STI [Sexually Transmitted Infection], even we got to the point where it was stated) the best way to protect yourself against STD/Is is to wear a condom. And as much as I think teachers gave lots of shitty advice in highschool, that's rock-solid. (Personally, I think they should have made us all watch the Canadian AIDs Musical Zero Patience rather than the awkward adolescent ones, but oh, well.)

So. I fully support casual sex. But seriously, people, let's make it a habit to use condoms. It seems that since celebrities stopped dropping dead of AIDs that people are no longer quite as concerned about STD/Is. Maybe it's a trend leaking up from the USA, where sex-ed appears to be mostly "sex is godless, be abstinent until marriage, then fuck like rabbits to make God's children", but it's a fucking stupid trend, and we all need to nip the fucker in the bud.

I'm really not the most educated about sex and STD/Is. But I'm smart enough to respect my body (as well as the body of my sexual partner) and use some fucking protection. And condoms come in so many different textures and sizes... (I actually prefer screwing with condoms because boy's penises don't have interesting textures).

This was going to be a lot longer, but I'm lazy. Typing is hard work, damn it. So, instead of me bothering to do a lot of research, stringing it all together candidly and writing something somewhat useful, I will provide links to other websites where people have done all the work for me.

- Sue Johanson is my inspiration for how I want to be when I'm an older woman. This is an index of her articles, www.talksexwithsue.com/sexindex.html. (We need to put up a link to her website; Sue Johanson=God)

- Dan Savage is my gay celebrity crush. Because he's so good at snapping at people for their stupidity. We already have a link over on the side, but in case you can't find it: www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove".

On a side note: I wonder if ignorance about sexuality related topics is linked to the fact we learned about sex-ed in gendered classes in highschool. I always wondered what the boys learned in their Phys-Ed Sex Ed Unit. I remember walking in their and there was a big note on the board about how important it was that young men try out many different relationships and date girls because it would teach them important social skills.
I don't remember being told, as a girl, that it was good to try out many different relationships. More that as far as sex was concerned, you should "wait till you're ready", make sure he's "right", whatever the fuck that means. (I hated that crap, even before I was sexually active, I think I always wanted to an empowered tramp) The biggest thing I remember from girls' Phys-Ed Sex Ed Unit was being told "If he wants to have sex with you while your clothing's on, he doesn't love you." And, similarly, same thing about quickies. (Fuck that... quickies can be awesome; clothing can be hot.) That and the distressing video of a woman's vagina as she gave birth. Eugh. I think that was the final nail in the coffin for any babies I could have had; right after the semi-mythological "womanly power of fertility" crap. (I do respect women who choose to be mothers, and I think babies and young children are cute. I just don't want one of my own, thanks.)

Giving Condoms a Bad Name

So I've been reading this Jackson Katz article where he's talking about media representations of masculinity and how they are all infused with machismo and violence and virility. One of his points of reference was the names of the top-selling (at the time of publication anyway) brands of condoms: Ramses and Trojan.

So I got to thinking: those are actually pretty horrible names for condoms. I mean, if the point of condoms is to provide a barrier against sperm, other lovely juices, the things that they can carry, and therefore pregnancy and stds, then I don't think that calling your brand either Trojan or Ramses, whatever beacons of masculinity those names may represent, does your product much justice.

I mean, Ramses, he was an Egyptian pharaoh, right? Didn't he have a ridiculus amount of kids in his time? Like seriously ridiculus? So yeah, this was clearly a virile man, getting a lot of action, but getting A LOT of women knocked up too. Doesn't that seem to refute the part about the condoms where they are supposed to prevent unwanted pregnancies?

And then we have the Trojans. If my slightly drunken memory serves me correct, the Trojans were on the losing end of a classical Greek myth battle. The Greeks managed, in sculptural disguise, to sneak into Troy undetected and ravage the city. That doesn't bold to well with an analogy of protecting and guarding against stds, does it? You know, letting one slip past the goalie because you're so high on yourself that you weren't paying attention? Seems like a pretty bad reference in general to practising safe sex.

So, Trojan and Ramses: reiteration of masculine virility or horrible metaphors for safe sex? I'm going with the latter.